Swiss Cheese Memory

As someone with swiss cheese memory issues (due to my mind blocking out quite a bit of my childhood- some memories have come back to me), I find it hard to try to find memories to look back on when I think of my father and grandfathers who have passed away.  I'll remember a tiny bit of a memory and then the rest of it is blank and it drives me nuts!

As an adult I only have memories of my maternal grandfather, so when it comes to my father and my paternal grandfather all I really have are bits and pieces of childhood memories.  It sucks, really.

Like I remember my dad used to play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven" on his acoustic guitar for my brother and I.  I remember seeing him sitting down on the bed with the guitar in his hands, but I can't remember hearing the chords of the music.  Argh, it's so frustrating!

xoxo,
~Mouse~

Freaky Stuff!

Friday night I went to the ER because my heart beat was about 180 beats per minute (it went up to about 190 while I was in the ER) and I wasn't feeling good at all: felt really cold, tingling fingers, every breath was just so tiring, and shortness of breath at times.  My heart was beating so fast it I could feel it actually shaking my body back forth when I sat still.  So the ER drs did a full blood panel, urinalysis, chest x-ray and those all came back good (my heart enzymes came back good which means I didn't have a heart attack).  They did an EKG and saw that my heart rhythm was abnormal.  From what I understand something triggered the top part of my heart to freak out and work overtime which somehow made the bottom part of my heart quit working (the bottom part of your heart is the part that pumps the blood to the lungs and body), which explains why I was so cold and the tingling in my fingers, etc.

The doctors tried to some natural remedies to help my heart beat and rhythm, but those didn't work.  The next step was to try this one medicine (for the life of me I can't remember the name of it) that they have to give ya in an iv and get it to your heart quickly as it is short acting.  The medicine stopped my heart for a second (they had the paddles nearby just in case, not like that comforted me very much since I was pretty freaked out lol) and then when my heart started back up on it's own it went back to a much more normal rhythm and heartbeat.  After a couple of hours (they also gave me some blood pressure medicine) my heartbeat and rhythm were normal so they sent me home with some blood pressure medicine in case it went back up.

I've been at home since and haven't had to go back to the ER or take any of the blood pressure medicine and my blood pressure and heartbeat have remained in the normal range, so YAY!!!!

xoxo,
~Mouse~

A Weird Dream And Other Stuff

So a couple of nights ago I had a dream that I had cancer and for some reason wasn't the least bit afraid it seemed.  I didn't seem to be in any pain either.  I'm not sure what sparked that dream, but it was definitely strange.  I wish I remembered more of the dream, but alas I don't.

Something that's been bothering me lately:  When a male best friend pretty much ignores you when they start talking to another chick.  I mean, wtf is up with that?  It's like I quit serving my purpose when he started talking to this chick.  It kinda sucks cause I never, in a million years, would've thought this guy would ever be like this.  We've both been there for each other quite a bit...up until this chick entered the picture.  I guess best friendships don't mean shit to some people anymore.  I'm not gonna lie, it hurts.  Especially since I was always there for him when he was feeling extremely down and I always tried my hardest to cheer him up and make him feel better.  I just feel like "So this is what I get for giving a shit about another human being."  Damn.  Like I said on my twitter, yesterday: "Went from sad to pissed off.  Next will be "Fuck off, I don't give a shit.  Bye bye now!"' And that's where I'm at with this situation.  Me and the guy had only been best friends since January 2015, so it's not like it's a very well established friendship or anything.  I just refuse to be disrespected like this.  Now, if we had been best friends for a year or longer...I would've tried harder to keep this friendship afloat.  Guess we're not as much alike as I thought.  Maybe I should've written about this in a post of it's own, but honestly, I don't wanna give this any more time or thought than I already have cause it's just not worth it.

In other news:  My plants are really growing like crazy!  I'll try to take some pics in the next few days and post them.  Apparently, I don't have a brown thumb after all!

~Mouse~

New Tattoo Idea

Here's the article I wanted to share. The pic is the idea for a tattoo that I liked considering my own history with depression, cutting, and suicidal thoughts.  

https://www.facebook.com/stfd.shutthefrontdoor/photos/a.226003427428996.71582.223414024354603/1099015873461076/?type=1

Yay, My Plant Sprouted!

2 out of the three seeds I planted on April 8th have sprouted!!!  Yay!  

Haha, Very Funny Mother Nature

So I just got this new blog set up and guess what happens?  The storms start rolling in again.  I mean wtf?!  It so figures cause it's just my luck...

Any the who...Yeah, so this blog is gonna be pretty much whatever I feel like blogging about.  Pretty much it's gonna be complete chaos.  Real life is chaotic, though so it fits, right.  

Until next time, 

~Mouse~